Creating the Life & Business you desire with Cheryl Goetz
===
[00:00:00] Laura Lorentz: Welcome to the Empowered Essence podcast, where we liberate you and empower you to let your soul lead the way in life and business. I'm your host, Laura Lawrence, sharing my thoughts and intimate conversations with featured guests on spirituality, business, and making courageous moves in the spirit of following your soul.
[00:00:23] I want to provide you with the tools you need to tap into your highest self. I am here to empower you to walk away, feeling ready to live your most expansive and purposeful life. Let's dive in.
[00:00:40] Welcome back to another episode of Empowered Essence. I am so excited for this guest today. We've got Cheryl Getz with us and Cheryl's actually a good friend of mine. We have kids around the same age,she's also a past client of mine. Our kids went to daycare together. There's so many parallels in our lives and I'm so excited to have her today.
[00:01:01] So without further ado, I'm going to read to you her bio. So Cheryl is a realtor designer and small business mentor on a mission to shake up the industries. Everything she does is rooted in collaboration over competition and growing your business while honoring your personal life. Her new life mottos were born out of her burnout, and she loves to share what she's learned.
[00:01:25] Oh, I love that. I love that you're taking your experiences and bringing them to life. So welcome Cheryl to the show.
[00:01:34] Thank you so much for having me.
[00:01:36] Oh, this is awesome. And I also forgot to mention that Cheryl's, an incredible designer as well. She helped and supported, my husband and I when we moved into our brand new house.
[00:01:46] We moved into a brand new build. It really just didn't feel like home and Cheryl came in and just added these beautiful finishing touches that actually made it feel like home so you are just naturally talented in that arena. So thank you for that.
[00:02:03] Oh, that's so nice to hear. Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Ah,
[00:02:08] So your bio is so cool because you're a realtor, you're a designer, you're a business coach, there's so much. to you. So tell me, how did this all come about? Why so many different things? and how do they all fit together in your life?
[00:02:24] Cheryl Goetz: Yeah, it's, it's so funny. we always put our people, ourselves and other people in a box. We're not meant to be in a box. You taught me that specifically. For me and my human design is you are not meant to fit in a box. You're not meant to be one thing and it was so validating because i've never felt that way. Everything that I am today was such a natural progression like the universe just naturally sent me all of I was just following my intuition as they came up and I just seized opportunities.
[00:02:55] I remember when I was eight or nine years old, I would be making business cards, business cards on my summer vacation, I would be in my dad's office. Trying to kill time and I would be making business cards and I remember one was like a fashion designer and I would write my name and my number and my title, my company name.
[00:03:14] I'd even make a little logo, I would pick out like a certain color paper I want it printed on and I would use this office stuff to do this It's another one was I own an architectural firm. So It was so deep rooted in me that I wanted to be an entrepreneur. Then I found as I grew up, all of the roles that came my way that wasn't entrepreneurial, I didn't create myself, I was working directly under the CEO or founder. In my co op job at university, I was directly under the founder of a national charity and the public relations company that I worked with after college, I was right under the CEO when I worked for my father, right under the CEO, and you get all these glimpses of entrepreneurship and you learn all of these things and just collect all of this knowledge to then apply to yours.
[00:04:06] And then from 24 to 34, I was, building my own businesses and just like figuring out my place and what I wanted to do. I went back to the PR world, but I didn't want to work for someone else. I wanted to do it on my own. Then my father was like, while you grow that business, how about you help me out on mine?
[00:04:27] It was home building. So that got me into construction. Then I wanted to sell them, so I got my real estate license. Then I worked for another homebuilder and it was more design rather than project management and customer management. Then I got my interior design certificate and then clients outside of just my employment started coming to me for those things.
[00:04:50] Then I went on a mat leave and I wanted to be creative so I opened a home decor shop and then I kept offering interior design and then real estate clients kept coming my way I just want to [00:05:00] have a company like that's how at home company was born is I want all things home.
[00:05:05] Now I have so much knowledge and connections in these industries. I don't want the home to be an overwhelming thing, like designing your home, renovating your home, selling your home. I don't want it to be overwhelming. So I want a place to be all things home. I found, fellow females who were growing their businesses as well, would just come in these natural conversations with me.
[00:05:27] In these rooms that I put myself in because I wanted to connect and meet other people, as well as I do, how lonely entrepreneurship can be. When we did, I felt so lit up. I just wanted to help them and I had so many ideas just flowing into me like water, it was wild. So I was like, how can I help people?
[00:05:49] It clicked one day when after, 10 years of trying to do everything because I had two kids in those years, I got married, I renovated a house, I had employment, but I also had these jobs and, mental health took a massive toll after kids, the postpartum depression, anxiety, I then started having panic attacks by juggling two kids and a job and a dream of owning my own business, I had to really step back and take an audit of my life and like what I wanted long term in my personal life and then retroactively be like, what do I have to do now in my business to achieve that personal life and how can I honor my personal life in this business?
[00:06:29] So all that's been my whole coaching program is okay, now when women come to me to talk about how they can grow their business. It's going to be rooted in, what do you want in your personal life? Not how much money do you want to, your business to make because the money comes.
[00:06:42] So to answer your question, it all just came,it was following what came to me. That's all it was, not, try not to force anything, just what feels good, I followed that.
[00:06:52] Laura Lorentz: Yeah, I love that. So for everyone's awareness, Cheryl is a manifester in human design. So as I'm like listening to you talk and say all of these things, it's Everything was rooted in these conversations, you having these conversations with people, which you got to share your ideas.
[00:07:09] You got to share your vision and then people were like, yep, sign me up.
[00:07:13] it's so cool to see how all of this was like, so connected and you just sharing your voice, sharing your vision, which is it's very, manifester of you, but every time I talk to you, I just, I really enjoy listening to like these greater visions that you have about creating like these like beautiful homes for people.
[00:07:33] That could be you supporting them from a real estate perspective or a design perspective. Now it's reallycreating this beautiful life for people bringing in, the business element to it. think that all weaves.
[00:07:45] You're so naturally confident in business. When I talk to you, when I listen to you, what do you think like really, built this confidence for you? You've obviously worked with a lot of entrepreneurs in the past, anything outside of that, that has really built this confidence that you have in yourself and in business just in general?
[00:08:04] Cheryl Goetz: I feel most confident. It's really hard to be confident if you don't love yourself. So if you work really hard every single day on showing yourself compassion and showing yourself love and specifically picking out what do you love about yourself? That bravery and that confidence is going to come naturally because no matter what you have you and you love yourself.
[00:08:30] Yeah,
[00:08:31] Laura Lorentz: I know. It's when you have this, deep understanding and deep, respect for yourself, it just naturally flows.That's where it all comes from. There's a lot of trial and error that comes before that too in business.
[00:08:43] You talked abouthow you tried all of these different things and you're like at this point where it's okay, now it all makes sense because I've been there. I've done that.How has trial and error, helped and supported in that too?
[00:08:56] Cheryl Goetz: Confident, like anything, any new skill takes and confidence isn't taken out of that. Building confidence takes a lot of practice.The more you push forward and do new things and be brave, first of all, the easier it gets. Second of all, you learn Oh, I did it, I was brave, maybe it didn't work out the way I thought, but I'm fine.
[00:09:16] The more you push and realize, you're okay, even if that fear you had, panned out, you're still okay. So just keep going, just keep trying, doing new things. yeah,
[00:09:30] Laura Lorentz: I love, I love listening to your stories on Instagram because you are very real, very raw in terms of what you talk about.
[00:09:38] When you were talking about your burnout and that experience. and your, postpartum depression, like that was so real and so vulnerable. There's something in there in what you do as well, that really is very supportive for mothers in particular. and your experience, you being home with your girls, like throughout the day [00:10:00] and, working your business in these like pockets of time, really.
[00:10:04] This thread in your life around, motherhood and business together I obviously know you behind the scenes, but, share with them the journey for you,this past year, of you, building your business and being home with the girls.
[00:10:16] Cheryl Goetz: My girls, I was paying, this is just a reality, in Ontario, I was paying 2, 000 a month for my kids to be cared for, 8 to 5, whatever it was. In my business, I'm working mostly evenings and weekends. I'm never seeing my kids and I'm exhausted and I'm burnt out and so I didn't know how I was going to do it and we just pulled them out. Financially it also felt right to where like we were as a family. I was like, okay, I'm not going to focus on the problem. I'm going to focus on a solution where no matter what we can figure it out. We can problem solve. We can do this. There's got to bea way I've always said there's got to be a way always right people can put people on the moon.
[00:11:00] I can figure this out. So I tried like lots of different things. One thing that was really helpful that's just like a really tangible thing is I found a gym. so it's like Movadi here in Waterloo. They have child care and it's two hours a day and you add it to your membership and I was okay, this is great.
[00:11:20] I get the gym membership, I get to move my body, I also get someone to have my kids for two hours. if I'm focused for two hours, I can get so much done. So I would go drop the kids off at the little daycare there, and I would set up my iPad on a treadmill, and I would be working for an hour on the treadmill.
[00:11:38] At first it started off with okay, I'm going to work and I'm going to be able to that and I'm going to have a shower to myself. Cause that's what I needed in that time. At first, when my kids entered my day is okay, I just want space. I want to be able to think for a minute.
[00:11:53] So I'll work and I'll have a shower by myself, I'll be able to blow dry my hair by myself without someone, tugging on you, pulling the makeup out of the drawers, chasing, seeing what they have, where's it going. Then it evolved where I didn't feel I needed that space anymore.
[00:12:08] I wanted to move my body and I wanted to get some stuff done. So that was practically how it worked. Then I learned, it's... Not sustainable to try to multitask. If you are trying to answer an email while you've got the kids, don't do it. It's only going to hurt you. You're only gonna get really frustrated.
[00:12:27] You're gonna end up saying something you don't wanna say, or, giving them a nudge and that doesn't feel good to a toddler. that means a lot to a toddler. It's and their mom is pushing them away. It's a big deal. So I learned, don't multitask.
[00:12:42] Laura Lorentz: I think that's a big one. I think, for me too, work all day, with my corporate job, I come home and I'm so excited and I want to work on my business. Then, my husband's working or whatever, and I've got the kids and it's we have this, it's like this balance of I want to, I'm like so excited.
[00:13:00] I want to work on my business, but and it's not that like our kids are a barrier or a blocker, but for me in particular, it was like understanding that, I can't do both at the same time. I've gotta find blocks of time that I can focus on each one because if I try to focus on everything all at once, no one's getting the best of me.
[00:13:21] Like no one's getting like my full attention, business, That's really important you raising that because, we naturally want to, be and do everything, we can't. That's when the guilt and the shame and all of the things set in is when we're trying to do too much at once.
[00:13:37] Being very purposeful about it.We started, time blocking and making non negotiables. So it's, Monday night, this is what time, I knew my husband was going to be home and I knew I was going to have, from five to nine to leave the house and work Thursday nights was dance.
[00:13:52] I told myself no matter what, I'm never going to miss taking Ray into a dance class for work appointments. So that also helps with your mental load, because if you know that's coming, if you know that like Monday night, five to nine is coming and
[00:14:06] there's a shit show happening at home. It's take a breath, you have Monday night, it can wait for Monday night, or if Monday's terrible, I'll answer that at 5pm, or you can put your phone away, you can put do not disturb, it depends what industry you're in, but I always like that if you have to deal with something, or you have to make a decision, and it's eating away at your brain, if you, pick a day and a time that you're going to address it, it can leave your brain, and then maybe between then and that time, you come to a solution, or, your mental load isn't just so overwhelming that even when you do get to it, you're not productive.
[00:14:45] Intentionally,, time blocking with purpose. Yeah. Then turning it off in the times that you're not. Yeah. I
[00:14:53] find I, I can't turn off my business. I, I'll get ideas and all of that, I'm in my day [00:15:00] job or with the kids I find I can't, and this is when it's something that's so soul led, you can't turn it off.Yeah, voice notes are, like, my favorite thing. I'll just, talk into my phone, and my kids are like, what are you doing, mom? I'm like, just voice noting. That's it. it's, quick. So that you, don't forget it, and then you can come back to it.
[00:15:18] Cheryl Goetz: It'snatural. You can't really turn your head off completely when you're an entrepreneur, right? You're always working on your business, even when you're not. Finding those little, hacks, whether it's a notebook on the kitchen island or a notes app in your phone, just to always... brain dump it and then move on.
[00:15:34] Laura Lorentz: Tell us a little bit about your new venture becoming a business coach has been a recent part of your evolution. You have a new program that you've launched, so tell us a little bit about that and how it's been, brought on by part of your journey.
[00:15:49] Cheryl Goetz: So name came to me one day and then everything I wanted to include in it was so naturally associated with that name afterwards.
[00:15:58] So I named it Beyond the Biz and it's because so many programs that I found is like you have a life coach that helps you with your personal life. You have a business coach that helps you like grow your marketing or whatever. Beyond the Biz is meant for you to grow your business while honoring your personal life.
[00:16:17] Setting a priority on your personal life. What we like to do is take a full picture of everything to, what hours in your day do you have to work on your business? What is your typical weekend look? Then I can guide you and help you when to slot things in to work on your business.
[00:16:38] Then we even go really far and say, if your dream life happened in five years, what would it look like? What would you be grateful for in those moments? Then you reverse engineer it and think, okay, how can we grow? Your business today. What can we implement today? That is going to get you to that dream personal life and it's taking into consideration that we can't be everything all at once.
[00:17:02] We have to time block. We have to be try to present with our kids we have soccer practice We all have our own mindset issues. So it's the strategies of growing a business through things like, what social platform you're on, for example, to how can you set your prices? all the way to mindset and then also taking into account your personal life.
[00:17:28] What kind of boundaries do you want to set? What does your family look in five years? So it's really special to me and it is born out of me trying to do everything all at once and I found so much value in myself from my work that when I got confused in my work, it's like I lost value in myself.
[00:17:54] So I always put succeeding in work and pushing ahead in work before my family, where you're supposed to make your work around your family. family is number one and work is supposed to complement the life that you want with your family, not the other way around. yeah, I
[00:18:13] Laura Lorentz: love that.
[00:18:14] It's the opposite way of the way a lot of people, the way a typical business coach would look at it. It's okay, like, how do we grow your business?That's where people lead to burnout. I think about the very first business coach that I worked with and I remember how burnt out I was after those first, few weeks because there was no consideration for my family or my life and I probably wanted to go back to corporate or I was on mat leave at the time, but I wanted to go back to my corporate job because I was probably more happy there that I was trying to grow my business and there is a time and a place for the work and the effort and the trial and error.
[00:18:52] Then there's this time where it's like the whole reason why we start our businesses is to build a life that we love. What does that life look like? Then how does the business support and fit into that? I love that perspective and you're running this program right now.
[00:19:08] Cheryl Goetz: Yes. So we currently have, clients on the go right now. The goal is to,restart every 12 weeks. So it runs four times a year. and so the next time that it's going to start is around the beginning of October.
[00:19:23] Laura Lorentz: No, that's great, back to school time in September. Especially moms,when you become a mom and you're running a business, there's added stress, added pressure,you've got more things to do, your mind is so much busier. As a mom, it's having that support to say, okay, let's look at your life, like, where are you making choices and decisions around how you're spending your time, and are those choices, actually aligned with your values and your visions?
[00:19:51] I think a lot of times we spend time on things that maybe actually aren't leading us towards, the things that we actually want. [00:20:00] Whether it's, making choices about spending more time on our business than we, but we really want time with our family, or vice versa. It's I'm, I feel like I need to be there all the time for my kids, but, your business needs you too.There's these balances.
[00:20:14] Cheryl Goetz: You hit the nail on the head. It's what's the purpose of you going on this entrepreneurial journey? Why did you do it? I asked that to my clients and it's, if it's for freedom, then why are you giving all your freedom away?
[00:20:27] if it's to light you up, then why aren't you having fun? and you're drowning in your business. let's go back to what the goal is. Build a business that supports that rather than getting wrapped up on what everybody else is saying your business should be making or should be creating or how many hours it should be working or what hours of the day you should be working in.
[00:20:49] Yeah. It's a lot of shoulds.
[00:20:50] Laura Lorentz: It's so natural, it'sa human reaction that we see other people and what they build and you look at it and you're like, that's what I want to create, but you don't think about it from the perspective of what that means for your life. You don't think about it from that perspective of what it means for your time, for your, the energy that you use,
[00:21:12] All of the things, you look at the end goal. Then the question is that actually what you really want? Even that end goal? Yes that thing is celebrated the success, the quote unquote external success, but how do you actually want to
[00:21:25] Cheryl Goetz: feel on the inside?
[00:21:27] Laura Lorentz: That's something that's so important in my work too. I so resonate with this message is because the end of the day, it's how we want to feel on the inside day in and day out. It's not about the external validation. It's not about the external accolades.
[00:21:41] you might think it is at some point in your life, but it's not that true fulfillment, that true joy, that true happiness is like an inside game. It always starts and ends with you, and how you perceive things, and how you feel about things.
[00:21:55] Cheryl Goetz: Yeah, it's important to ask yourself, what success is defined by you, Do you want to drive a certain car, or do you want to, spend a month in Italy, once a year, and make material sacrifices elsewhere? there's... So many different ways of living you got to ask yourself what actually successful life would feel like to you and not what is portrayed to us.
[00:22:21] Laura Lorentz: So what's a successful life to you Cheryl?
[00:22:23] Cheryl Goetz: Oh My gosh, that's a great question. Oh I want it to be fulfilling I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's a past life or what. You could probably tell me if anybody. I want to give back, I want to empower women, I want to be a champion of women, because for so long we've been put in this box of what we should be doing, and we've been handed all of these blocks, and I just want to break all of those down, I want to show everybody they don't exist.
[00:22:54] I also want to show women thatgive credit where credit is due, you're doing what everyone else is doing, but you're doing it while you're carrying babies. It's insane that we don't give ourselves more credit and we're hard on ourselves. We have imposter syndrome when many times we're so qualified.
[00:23:13] To be doing these things, so success is a feeling of fulfillment that I have helped women. it's obviously just happiness. Being happy is just so underrated being content is so underrated, and freedom, just the feeling of freedom, not feeling any sense of scarcity, living a life without fear.
[00:23:40] I would say that success doesn't matter, where it is or what you're doing, as long as you have those feelings and you're in the right place.
[00:23:49] Laura Lorentz: I totally agree with that and so all of those things that you described are all like feelings, I think that's so important for everyone is oftentimes when you ask people, what is a successful life look like?
[00:23:59] what does success truly look like? I ask myself this all the time because I'm a projector and success is my signature. It always comes back to these feelings, like feelings of freedom, feelings of joy, excitement, aliveness, vulnerability, like these heart qualities oftentimes is what like people come back to.
[00:24:22] I think that's a beautiful thing that, but oftentimes like people,get caught up in the comparison or the, conditioning, and it's really hard to break. I think that's another thing too, as humans, it's really hard for us to break those things because, they are so ingrained in us and giving ourselves credit where credit's due, like you said, and not being hard on ourselves, because we put a lot of pressure, moms especially, I, I know it, I feel it every single day, that, that pressure and that stress, and how can we, give ourselves a little bit of grace and compassion, and knowing that if we just focus on [00:25:00] the feelings every single day, that, that external,
[00:25:04] material things like they do come when we really focus on those feelings first.
[00:25:09] Cheryl Goetz: I'm curious, like everything that you've done, like you have been very successful in your life and in your business, like really creating this business and life by design.
[00:25:20] Laura Lorentz: You're able to spend that time with your girls while still building this very soul led business. What roadblocks or setbacks have you experienced that you think maybe have supported you on this path? How did you overome them?
[00:25:32] Cheryl Goetz: I love that you worded it like that.
[00:25:34] I love that you were like, what roadblocks have supported you? That's how you need to look at roadblocks and setbacks is how they actually supported you. In hindsight, right? I would say, the roadblocks that I kept hitting, or the setbacks, there's a common theme to all of them. It was relationships or partnerships that didn't end up working out the way that I thought it was going to work out.
[00:26:00] Finally, when I reflected on what's going on here, I realized that every time I wanted to do something, pursue something, start something, I looked for someone else. I'm like, hey, I think to myself, okay, I have this idea. Okay, who should I bring on to help me with this idea? It came from this place of that, I was not enough.
[00:26:22] I'm not enough on my own. I had to go out and find someone who would add to me and that's what would make it successful. So the second I realized that the universe kept taking those people away from me for a reason, it was to teach me that I am enough and I can do this. And yes, of course, like a community of people can help, but bring someone on constantly for every new venture.
[00:26:52] Whether it's for validation or from a feeling of, I need this other person because I'm not good enough. It's just not true.
[00:27:02] Laura Lorentz: Yeah, I think it's that's like a big thing about entrepreneurship, is like, coming back home to ourselves. Like it's, it is like this sense of self sovereignty.
[00:27:14] Cheryl Goetz: I, I am enough.
[00:27:16] I am
[00:27:16] Laura Lorentz: whole the way that I am. and so those are like, like codependency patterns too. that we feel like we need the support or the validation or the, other people in our lives to make ourselves whole. I love how you identified that because especially as like an entrepreneur, like you are the CEO, like you are the show.
[00:27:37] And when you treat yourself as this like whole sovereign being, like you can show up that way. That's really
[00:27:44] Cheryl Goetz: powerful. If you want to learn more about yourself, become an entrepreneur. 'cause like it's so easy to like shove those things down when you're a cog in a machine and every day looks the same.
[00:27:57] You like, you wake up, you do X, y, z, you go to work, you come home, you do X, y, z, you go to bed and you start over again. So much easier to ignore those things. Entrepreneurship, like you worded it is staring those demons straight in the eye and facing it. It's like the craziest form of therapy to put yourself through.
[00:28:20] Yeah.
[00:28:20] Laura Lorentz: Choose your heart. I truly believe not everyone is meant to be an entrepreneur. When you know that you are meant to be an entrepreneur and you are working a nine to five type job, it's hard to sit there and ignore those feelings of I know that I'm here for something different or something more.
[00:28:39] But then also, once you move into that, entrepreneurial world, then you're like, Oh, my gosh, this is hard to because, I'm basically deconditioning and shedding all of these layers that I've built, around myself, upon myself. You learn so much about yourself and your relationships and how you interact in relationships through business.
[00:29:01] the healing is endless. I definitely think that, and I've said this a million times, I feel like, for anyone who gets into entrepreneurship, they signed up for healing in this lifetime.
[00:29:10] Cheryl Goetz: I love what you say that, it's not for everybody, but it from a sense of not everybody has to do it.
[00:29:17] I think that's part of my thing of feeling like we keep having to be put in a box. now we're in this interesting era. Where people who are happy in their 9 to 5 are almost feeling like they shouldn't be happy in their 9 to 5 and they should be out with a side hustle and they should be busy or like living a busy life and it's all about doing what you want to do.
[00:29:40] Do what feels good. Something feels good, just follow that if it doesn't find a better solution, go a different way, try something else. Something I talk about with my clients is, what are you more fearful of because you said, choose your heart, right? If you're in a nine to five and you want to be an [00:30:00] entrepreneur, are you more fearful of trying to be an entrepreneur and quote, unquote, failing, which there's no such thing, or are you more fearful that in 10 years?
[00:30:11] You're going to still be in that nine to five and you never tried it. what scares you more? What's going to upset you more?
[00:30:19] Laura Lorentz: It's taking that long term perspective and looking back, it's did I try everything is a lesson. Anything that you experience, like nothing is a failure.
[00:30:27] This is my third line in human design. I think you're a third line too. Nothing is a failure. Everything is a lesson as you move
[00:30:34] Cheryl Goetz: forward. It's all breadcrumbs. It's taking you to where exactly you want to be. Everybody says life is short.
[00:30:41] I always say the opposite. Life is so stinking long. are you kidding me? You're going to ask me to be unhappy in a nine to five for 40 years. That's a long time. So I looked at it as the, and that came from me, like from a self love perspective where it's if I'm not going to like myself.
[00:31:00] I'm gonna be thinking these things, feeling these ways about me for the next 60 years, no, thank you. Like life is too long to be wasting that much time and being unhappy. It's the same thing, which with taking risks and entrepreneurship is like, life is so long. So if you wanna do it, just do it because guess what?
[00:31:21] Life is long. You could always go back what's the worst that's gonna happen? You don't like it or it doesn't work out. Go back to what you were doing because you realized you were happy there or go onto something else that new experience led you to. Yeah, but don't be unhappy and don't be complacent.
[00:31:40] That's the, that's my biggest fears, being unhappy and complacent. You're such an
[00:31:45] Laura Lorentz: activator like I'm listening to you and you're like, come on guys like let's move it. Let's get going. It's like that's the
[00:31:52] Cheryl Goetz: manifester in you. It's so cool.
[00:31:55] Laura Lorentz: but your daughters, so speaking motherhood again but your daughters are so cute and Rhea, like you do these like really cute.
[00:32:03] Instagram stories about the things that Rhea does or says or whatever and I always find those so adorable. she's always a bit of a star on your Instagram. People always want to, or ask Rhea, that's what it is. It's ask Rhea a question, that was really sweet.
[00:32:18] Cheryl Goetz: Yeah, I'm a big believer in being as hands off as possible as a parent because I want them to truly be who they are and not who I say they are or what I think they should be.
[00:32:33] I just try to step back and give them space and honor who they are and celebrate who they are in their core. I find so many people strive for obedient children and I've always said like that's the last thing that I want because nothing great comes out of being obedient, push those limits, figure out who you are and stand up for yourself.
[00:32:56] it's not easy. Someone who you don't want to be obedient, but at the same time. It's worth it, especially raising girls to become very Strong, confident women. yeah, because of that, we get some pretty entertaining moments over here. Oh my goodness, that's the same with
[00:33:16] Laura Lorentz: my daughter Ellery.
[00:33:17] Cheryl came over with her daughter Rhea and Ellery wanted to wear her princess ball gown so bad, was like, Mom, I'm wearing it and I was like, Ellery, you can't wear it because Rhea's gonna be upset or jealous that, you're wearing hers and if she's not wearing hers, then, you don't want to do that. So I caught myself saying that and literally... As they arrive, Rhea gets out of the car in her princess ball gown, and Ellery drops to the floor, is bawling her eyes out, is Mom, how could you not let me wear this princess ball gown? So that was a lesson for me as a mother, it's just, let her wear the ball gown. I am not here to shut down her light, because that's what I was doing, I was shutting down her light, and I should not do that, so I had a huge lesson learned from that.
[00:34:10] I think it's because we're putting our, conditioned experiences and expectations on a child and yes, I can wear an Elsa dress to the grocery store. Sure, but will I as a grown woman? No. So there's only so much time that they're allowed to do these things like, wear a princess dress out in public and sit on your lap while eating dinner. There not going to want to do that, let alone do it in a decade. So just let them be who they are and I always try to if I say no to something, I try to dig deep and say, why am I saying no to it? Is it an ego thing?
[00:34:51] is it scared of other people's judgments on me as a mom? Because if that's the case, I'm not saying no. It's yes, as much as [00:35:00] possible. When you say no, first of all, I find them better listeners when I say no, because they know it means something. And I can actually give them a reason and try to rationalize it with them, right?
[00:35:11] yeah, I, I love that you learned that. I love that the universe sent Rhea to LRXL's in a business dress that daythat's amazing. We showed up at the door, we just saw her hit the floor, and I was like, Oh no, what's going on? They put her in, oh my gosh, or I would be going home and grabbing, Rhea's chest of them for her.
[00:35:31] Yeah, but I think that's a really good point that you were saying about, when we say no to our kids,what is the reason? If you're actually fearful for, their safety or harming themselves or something like that. Yes, you want to say no, but
[00:35:45] if it's our own ego, our own perception, what other people think of us, yes, I totally resonate with that, and I know that's a work in progress for me.
[00:35:55] That's something that I personally have really been trying to sink into, because, like the way our parents raised us, not that there was anything necessarily wrong with it at the time, but, we evolve and we grow and we see these things and do we want our kids to be obedient and people pleasers because these are all the things that we're all deconditioning from now, right?
[00:36:19] Cheryl Goetz: Exactly. Especially everything that. we see happening to women in society in a victim capacity that's coming from women being people pleasers, women being told to be quiet, women being told that politeness is what matters the most, to the point where I'll say a little story. I remember we were in the library and we were waiting for the elevator and the doors opened and there was a man in it and something inside of me felt uncomfortable about this particular man and I actually thought to myself, how's that going to make him feel? That's not going to be very polite if I just let the elevator go by and then I'm like, Cheryl, you're putting Your politeness over a gut feeling you have about your safety and I was with the girls So I was ready to endanger us potentially because I didn't want to be impolite to this man and I mean he would have gone about his day.
[00:37:22] It doesn't matter so I let the elevator go because I did very quick internal work, but it really showed me, what those lessons we learned growing up do to us and how they can put us in danger and how I will pay for, some headbutting now, on some things and strong willed counts. I will deal with that if it keeps them safe and confident.
[00:37:46] Laura Lorentz: I know. It's I just keep thinking it's short term pain for long term gain. It's like we're experiencing this as parents, but this is part of our healing work, too. We totally signed up for this.
[00:37:58] I think kids just in general, Are a lot more pushing boundaries and maybe it's just my kids but as a kid I don't remember pushing boundaries as much as my kids do. I'm not as strict or as firm as what my parents were. I want my kids to, live life and experience it and not be afraid and, really, unless it's something that truly is going to hurt them or, endanger them.
[00:38:28] I want them to experience it, because that's where the lessons are gained, that's where their personal power is built. I think this generation of kids are going to have, a lot deeper sense of personal power, built,with moms like us.
[00:38:42] Cheryl Goetz: I hope so, because I was the kid who did push those limits, even though there was fear.
[00:38:47] My brother was the golden child, such a good listener, got told not to do something once and didn't do it. I was not the same against all odds. I was still like the disobedient little risk taker. They say that's why they stopped at two kids, but yeah, and this is telling on myself a little bit, but even if they are going to get a little hurt, I let them do it.
[00:39:11] Like Rachel was running around outside with her bare feet and I was like, girl, you are going to regret this. Do you want shoes? Because you're going to lose a big toe. She's no. I was like, cool. go for it. Cause I knew what the worst could happen in that situation and I was ready to take on the risks of some polysporin a band aid, and I was okay with that, and now she knows. So I think it's okay to get a little hurt once in a while. Yeah, it's,
[00:39:39] Laura Lorentz: it's, building character,
[00:39:41] Cheryl Goetz: I guess. Yeah, I love
[00:39:44] Laura Lorentz: this conversation. I love, I love our chats about motherhood and business. there's so many parallels with us.
[00:39:50] So how can people reach out to you? How can they connect with you? Either Instagram, Facebook? What's the best way?
[00:39:57] Cheryl Goetz: So I would say show up on [00:40:00] Instagram the most if you're a small business owner and you want to learn about Building a business that's sustainable and then actually achieves what is a definition of success and honoring your personal life and not burning out.
[00:40:14] I share that on, Cher at Home. It's called Cher as in my name Cheryl, so C H E R, at home. Then if you're interested in all things home, interior design, renovation, real estate, then check out At Home Co. Because that's where I talk about all of those fun things.
[00:40:33] Laura Lorentz: Awesome. Oh, I love that. Thank you so much for being a guest today. I can't wait for more to come on your course and in your coaching business. I highly recommend her design services as well. and you do virtual as well,you don't have to live in the Kitchener Waterloo area. You can be anywhere and be supported by Cheryl's Virtual Designs.
[00:40:58] Cheryl Goetz: Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me. I love everything that you do. I love watching your business develop because from the moment you open the business to today, it looks completely different. I respect that when something doesn't feel good, you don't care about what the outside feels about it.
[00:41:17] You just pivot. And you follow what feels good to you. So I'm very proud of you and in awe of you. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Awesome.
[00:41:25] Laura Lorentz: We will talk soon. Take care. Take care.
[00:41:28] Cheryl Goetz: Bye.
[00:41:29] Laura Lorentz: Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of Empowered Essence. If you loved this episode, don't forget to leave a rating and review on your favorite platform. And until next time, keep shining your light.
