Laura Lorentz: Welcome to the Empowered Essence podcast, where we liberate you and empower you to let your soul lead the way in life and business. I am your host, Laura Lawrence, sharing my thoughts and intimate conversations with featured guests on human design, energetic and spirituality to provide you with the tools you need to tap into your most authentic self. I am here to empower you to walk away feeling ready to live your most expansive and purposeful life. Let's dive in. Hello everyone, and welcome to another week of Empowered Essence. I am so pumped for this episode because we have a reflector on this episode. As you all know, reflectors only represent 1% of the world's population. They are the unicorns of human design. And this reflector in particular, we had a very serendipitous meeting. We met about a month ago at an event that I was speaking at. She was an attendee and I've been doing speaking engagements for the last year. And this is the very first speaking engagement that I actually had a reflector at. So that made me so excited, first and foremost. And we got chatting, we got to know each other, and I just had to have her on as a guest on this podcast. So without further ado, I would like to introduce you to Alex Phillian. And so Alex, welcome to the show.
Alex Phillion: Thank you so much for having me. It's so exciting to be here after how we met. And I also kind of have a background in human design so we can connect on that. And it is interesting being a reflector, so I'm happy to share my experiences.
Laura Lorentz: That's so beautiful. That's so great. Yeah, it was really cool because in the speaking engagement at the event, alex was almost where we did question and answer period. Alex was almost answering other people's questions, like, you could tell that she had this understanding, this knowledge, and so I just thought that it would be so great to have you on. So how about you introduce yourself to the audience? Who are you? What do you do, and what are you all about?
Alex Phillion: So, as you said, I'm Alex Philian. I'm 27 and I live in Cambridge, Ontario. For work, I actually do something a little bit different. My job is a technical sales rep, which is a lot of like, math and problem solving and things like that, so it kind of keeps me on my toes. But then I have this other side of me that really loves astrology and human design and just like, diving more and learning more about people and different things like that. And I feel really connected to human design ever since I found out that I was a reflector. So a lot of who I am is actually not being anything at all because of my ability to be a reflector. So I try not to over explain about who I am because I find that that's actually a shadow side of being a reflector, but who I am is almost everything and nothing all at once and it's really interesting and it's ever changing and so on.
Laura Lorentz: Yes, it evolves over time, right, based on the people and the experiences that you have.
Alex Phillion: Yeah. And I find with every center being open, having that awareness that I was a reflector, I truly had no idea. When I first heard about Human Design, I remember I was listening to a podcast, this was about four years ago, and I was driving, I had like an hour drive and the podcast host was going through all the types. And I remember thinking, I can truly feel as if I'm every single one of these types. So I didn't know that I was a reflector. I was like, oh, I feel like a generator, I feel like a projector, I feel like a manifesto. When she was explaining it. And then when I got home, I had looked it up and it said I was a reflector. And truly, that was one of the most transitional moments of my life because I was like, wow, I'm all of these types. In a way, I can feel into all of these types. But then it's so important for me to just kind of come back to myself every single day and to ground myself and to be with myself. And for so many years of my life, I was surrounded by people and I didn't know how to be alone because I was so drawn to people and that was actually really unhealthy for me. And then my identity kind of built on that. It built on being around people and being around environments that maybe weren't healthy for me. And then my identity became someone that I didn't love because of that. And when I had found out about Human Design, I was in that period of my life where I was about to move to a new city, so I was about to eliminate my whole environment. And it was like a sand at this moment for me because Human Design found me when I was ready for that kind of change in that shift. And I think that's why I took it and I ran with it. And ever since then, I have been so interested in everyone else's Human Design because in a way, the more that I read other people's charts, the more I can understand people. And the more I can understand people, the more I can understand myself.
Laura Lorentz: Oh my gosh, I have chills just with everything that you said. So first of all, I truly believe, and I've said this on my podcast a number of times, that Human Design finds you at the exact perfect moment in your life. So if you are feeling drawn to Human Design at any point in your life, there is a reason, there is some sort of information, knowledge, wisdom that you are meant to understand about yourself. About the people that you're around. And like, you're talking about that transition, like that shift from basically detaching from all of the people and the environment that you are around into, like this new environment. Like, you got to redefine yourself. And as a reflector, like, it's really all about you evolving and changing and going with the flow to allow yourself to evolve, to allow yourself to change. And so I'd love to hear that when you move to the new city, how was that like? What was that transition like?
Alex Phillion: It was hard. It was hard because I was so conditioned by the environment that I was in. I grew up in a really small town, so my friend group was everything to me, my family. I was never alone. I never had the opportunity to be alone because I was surrounded by so many people. And I love being around people. I get my energy from being around people. But what I didn't realize is that being around all these people, I was picking up on their emotions, I was picking up on their anxieties, their stresses. Like, I have every single one of my centers open. And I'm so sensitive that I thought that there was something wrong with me. And it took me moving away and me being in my own environment and being alone to realize that those weren't my feelings, those weren't my stresses, those weren't my anxieties. But at the same time, you know, being alone was hard because it was so different for me and I didn't know who I was. I had to kind of decondition everything that I thought I was and come back to my soul, which was essentially waiting for me there. It was hard. It was being alone as a reflector. I remember asking someone who is really into human design at the time, I'm like, is it kind of unhealthy for a reflector to be really lonely? And they had said, like, yeah, like, a reflector needs a community. 100 people. For every one reflector, they need 100 people. And I was like so I didn't know if moving away was the right decision at the time. But then once I started unpacking everything and kind of learning how to be alone and learning how to come back to myself and have these healthy habits for myself, that's when it started to shift for me, and that's when it started to change for me. And then the right people, I was able to call in and the community became better.
Laura Lorentz: It's like you needed to get away to come back to you and what it is that you're all about. Because, like, the gift as a reflector is like, when you know your baseline, when you know like yourself, when you're in the presence of other people, you can sense what's off with them. And what you said is none of those anxieties or none of those fears or none of those feelings, those emotions that you were feeling were necessarily yours, but you've got to understand that baseline of yourself to know, what am I taking on? So I'd love to know, like, you know, you talked about what's healthy for you. So have you taken on any energetic practices or things that help you discern what you're taking on versus what's your own or even any grounding and protection that you do for your own energy?
Alex Phillion: Yeah, so it's interesting because now that I have awareness of being a reflector, it's actually instant when I can feel someone's stress, I don't have to process it. It's kind of like, oh, this person is in a bad mood and it's nothing to do with me, but I feel it. Like, I intensely feel it like I could be in the car with someone and I'm like, get me out of here. But then it's just kind of learning to surround yourself by the right people is obviously really important. And then coming home and just spending time with just me. I have two baths a day sometimes because I just need that alone time to kind of, like, breathe. Meditation is really good. I love yoga, but I do love going to a hot yoga class because I can feel the good vibes of the class. So I do that quite often. Journaling has been a huge part of my life since I found out about human design. I try to journal, like, any of my anxieties or my stresses that maybe I'm feeling in the day and just kind of slowing them down with a pen helps me process it and be kind of grateful for them in a.
Laura Lorentz: Way that's so beautiful. I do find, like, journaling helps me as well as a projector. I relate in a lot of ways to taking on the energy of other people and having a loan time. So my story, my background is like, I was very evolved or very involved with the corporate world and climbing the corporate ladder. And I was very much in that hustle culture, that hustle mentality. And then when I went on maternity leave, I was home every day I was away from that. And that was like, my first opportunity to, like, come back to me. And it's like, what do I like, what do I enjoy? Like, what is my baseline? And I, I think think probably COVID was a blessing in a lot of ways for people working from home and shutdown and those energy shifts, like, people who don't have the language around it, like the language of human design to help understand, okay, why do I feel this way? Or why am I taking on these things? Like, they don't know. And it's like this wisdom, this vocabulary, this way that people can really truly understand themselves and how much the outside world truly impacts them. Because I don't think people really fully understand that if they're not immersed in this world.
Alex Phillion: Yeah, I love that you said that it's a language because that's truly how I feel. And it's hard as a reflector because I can feel things so intensely and so in the moment that I can kind of read through things. And I wish that people could come to me and maybe like, look, I know that you are having anxiety right now. If I say that it just is not received fully, you know what I mean? And it almost feels like I'm blaming them, but it's hard to explain. But I do wish that the language was more accessible. Even yesterday, I had my coworker, her son just turned four. And four years ago, when he was first born, I had read his chart and she remembered one thing that I had said to her. And now that he's four and starting school and he's kind of going through this hardship, she had asked me to reread his chart. And it's just so powerful for her even to understand the language of him, of her son, and kind of help him in ways that maybe she wouldn't be able to help him without that awareness.
Laura Lorentz: Oh, yeah. I dream of a world that everybody understands human design I think about parenting, like, how much that would help parents in terms of understanding their child, raising their child based on their own their own path, their own energy, like, not imposing or projecting on their children, like, based on their own personal experience. And even, like, the corporate world, like, how amazing it would be. I always find myself, like, even when I'm at work, I'm like, okay, that person is a manifesting generator. They're doing all the things, like, let them do all the things. I'm the projector, I'll guide, I'll oversee this. It's just almost like this confirmation every moment of your life that everybody is different and it is okay to be different and bringing that awareness to other people that it is okay to be you and not to get absorbed by the energy or the thoughts or the opinions of other people throughout the day.
Alex Phillion: Yeah, exactly.
Laura Lorentz: Yeah. So tell me about your childhood. This might be a really deep question, but tell me about your childhood. What were, like, some experiences that you might have had? Like, did you ever feel different or did you ever feel like people maybe didn't understand you in a way that you desired them to understand you just being a reflector?
Alex Phillion: Yes, very much so. I really, really struggled as a kid because obviously my parents didn't understand that I was a reflector. And I actually had temper tantrum because I was so consumed with the energy around me. And not to put blame on my parents or anything, but they had me pretty young, so they're still learning who they were. And I think that really affected me personally. I'm also the oldest child, so having two younger siblings, having parents who, like, later divorced and kind of being surrounded by ever changing environments. Like I really did. I was reactive, and I became very reactive as a child. I remember one time, my mom you're having a conversation, and, like, she started crying, and I started crying, and it was like, almost like I took on her emotions, I took on her feelings, I took on her stresses. And because I was the oldest, I was so aware of what was going on. And, yeah, it was hard. It was hard. And I so eagerly wanted to grow up. Like, I so eagerly wanted to grow up. And I think now, realizing it and looking back on it, it was because I didn't have anywhere to come home to. I didn't have a safe space for me to decompress. And so eventually, growing up, I took that on as my identity. And now that I've done all this work and I'm in a really healthy relationship and my life is so different, my mom and my stepdad, they tell me all the time, they're like, you are literally a different person. And I'm like, I'm not a different person. I'm just in a different environment.
Laura Lorentz: And I don't know if I said this, but Alex just got engaged. She was just in Europe, and she had a beautiful proposal in Europe. And so congratulations. That's so exciting.
Alex Phillion: Thank you. Thank you very much.
Laura Lorentz: Oh, yeah. So that is so cool how that has evolved and changed. So bringing it back to today, what are some things that are boundaries that you've set for yourself or things about your environment that are nonnegotiables or that sort of thing? What do you look for in that space?
Alex Phillion: Well, I think a lot of it has to do with my partner because I'm with him all the time, because in a way, I'm so open that I become the person that I'm with. So for him to be healthy and himself allows me to kind of reflect and be all his qualities, which, in my opinion, are such good qualities that our relationship is so healthy, and then that allows me to kind of be empowered in who I am. And, like, he honors that. I need a long time. He honors it. So it's just a really good cycle that we have. Yeah. And then I can just kind of come back to myself, like I was saying. And with all the open centers, I really just need to empty them out, if that makes sense. So doing that and being able to do that, I think that is why I've changed so much, is because not only am I not in an unhealthy relationship or an unhealthy environment, I've done all these things for myself, and they've kind of led me to where I am today. And then that allows me to reflect in a healthy way, if that makes sense.
Laura Lorentz: Yeah, no, I think it just goes to show the importance of, like, when you focus on yourself, that impacts all of the people around you and a lot of people. There's, like, this backwards thinking, I feel like, in society where it's like, focusing on me or asking for a loan time or setting boundaries around, like, my needs is, like, a selfish thing. And I think you're, like, just a perfect example of it's not selfish, actually. Like, it's a super healthy thing. And that reflects back for you in your relationship with your partner, that reflects back with your relationship with your parents and your family and all of that.
Alex Phillion: Exactly.
Laura Lorentz: Yeah. I'm curious. The thing I was thinking about, what's your partner's human design?
Alex Phillion: He's a manifesting generator. He has his Venus and cancer, so he's like, the most gentle soul that you'll ever meet. He really is. And I think me moving away and becoming clear on who I am and kind of coming back to my soul allowed me to call him in the most beautiful way because I realized that every previous partner that I've ever been with was so toxic. And then that, in a way, made me become toxic because I was reflecting back. It was just this unhealthy pattern. And so learning human Design helped me manifest him in a healthy way.
Laura Lorentz: It's so beautiful.
Alex Phillion: He's very gentle, so I feel like I've kind of taken on that energy, too, which is in alignment with my higher self, which I want to be this way. Like, this is who I want to be. When I look at my highest self, it's almost like I'm looking at him, if that makes sense.
Laura Lorentz: Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. This is so awesome. I thoroughly, thoroughly enjoyed talking to you about this, and I follow you on Instagram. Obviously, we haven't known each other very long, but just following your energy on Instagram and the connection that you have with your partner, it just seems so beautiful and so genuine, which reverberates. You feel that getting to this world of energy, you start picking up on things, you sense things. It's like just this, like, intuitive nature, and you can really sense those people that have done the work, those people that know themselves, those people that are just very genuine souls. And I feel that so deeply with you.
Alex Phillion: Thank you. I feel that with you as well.
Laura Lorentz: Thank you. Thank you. We have very similar backgrounds because I, too, have my corporate job, but my big so not only did my maternity leave be, like, a big catalyst in my life, also before that, I left my hometown, moved to Toronto. My whole friend group changed. Just so much happened in my life. When I change my environment as well, that changes so much. And I think this is 100% super important for Reflectors, but projectors and manifests as well. Like, the environment piece, I think, is really important too, because we are absorbing and amplifying that sacral energy and being able to detach from certain environments and coming back to our own is like that cleaning out that you talk about. It's just like out that tank and being able to realize yes, who we are and what it is that we are all about and all of those things. So, yeah, it's very helpful.
Alex Phillion: And I feel like for me, because when I was researching reflectors, at first, it was almost like everything that was coming up was saying not to attach yourself to I am a reflector, or I am this, I am that. Almost defining me is not healthy because I'm supposed to be everything and I'm supposed to be nothing. I'm just supposed to be in the moment. And that's where that surprise element comes in. And being in the moment just like, lets go of all that disappointment. For me, it just allows me to kind of it's hard because as a human, you want to attach yourself to a title, even with work. I have a title, but I try to look at my job in terms of how I feel and the abundance that it gives me and, you know, the freedom that it gives me. I get to work from home and all these things. So in a way, I have to kind of detach myself from the title and just kind of move into the feeling.
Laura Lorentz: I love that it's really all about this coming back to your body, like, what is your body telling you and moving through the world that way. So one thing that characterizes reflectors is your decision making process. And so everybody knows that the authority for the reflectors is to wait 28 days. And for a lot of people they're like, what, 28 days? That seems like forever. How does a reflector operate if they have to wait 28 days? But why that's so important is because reflectors are lunar beings. So all of the other energy types are tied to the sun, whereas the reflectors are tied to the lunar cycles. And so you recharge your energy at night, sleeping, getting 8 hours is really, really important because that's your time to like, recharge and decompress. But there's something very magical about that new moon to new moon cycle. So that's where the 28 days comes from. And there are patterns or lessons or experiences that you learn or you go through in those 28 days. So allowing a longer period of time to make like, big decisions about a house or a partner or a new job or those sorts of things, it's really important to provide yourself that time. So I'd love to hear from you how that resonates with you, how that's played out in your life, how your decision making has changed since you've learned about human design.
Alex Phillion: Yeah, it's definitely challenging because our society doesn't really allow for the 28 day cycle that we're supposed to be on. So I haven't had all that much practice, but I do recognize that the more time that I can take on even a small decision, the better. Like, for example, I'll go through phases where I'm like, I want a dog and then I wait 28 days and I'm like, never mind. But it's like I can't rush anything I have to just kind of, you know, look at my life and be like, I need more time. And it can be the smallest thing. Like, for example, we're renovating our kitchen and we got the design in yesterday and we have another version of that design to go through it. But it's almost like I don't want to make any decision on the second version of that design until I wait 28 days because my creativity changes and everything changes for me, I've already gone through two lunar cycles of completely new ideas. So it's hard. It's like almost I need more than one lunar cycle. It's like for every small idea, I need a lunar cycle, which is hard sometimes, but the more the better. And I do feel, and I think this is true for all types, that we have the urge to do exact opposite of what our strategy is. For Manifesto, they really want to hide in themselves rather than initiate. And for Projectors, they really want to give advice rather than to wait for advice. And for generators, they want to respond out of frustration, even though that's really unhealthy for reflectors. We want to rush everything. We really want to rush everything. We don't want to wait. But that's like, really unhealthy for wrestling. And as every type learns to listen to their strategy is actually better than to kind of respond or whatever in that moment. So I find that really interesting that learning about all the other types, they're all kind of connected to reflectors in.
Laura Lorentz: A way for for sure, sure. From an authority perspective, the 28 day cycle is a lot like the emotional authority. So I'm an emotional authority. And when you say you want to rush things or you want to make a decision in the moment, like you desire that that's very much me, I can make really quick decisions. But my issue is that I might regret it. I've got high buyers reverse. But leaning into that and understanding that I've been allowing myself to give myself so much more grace and to say there could be a totally different outcome of this if I do give myself that time and space to listen, to allow myself to evolve, not making the decision and the emotional high of it all. I feel like there's like the emotional authority and the lunar cycle. There is a lot of parallels in that. And I totally agree that we want to do the thing that we're not meant to do. It's like this instinctive thing. It's that lower frequency. It's not that we can't do it. It's not that you can't make a decision in a moment. You can 100% do that but is that for our highest good and it's like allowing ourselves. And that's what I think is so cool about human design is it really forces us to evolve, it really forces us to look at things differently versus like a personality test which labels you and says this is who you are and you feel like it's just like this snapshot of a point in time. Whereas I find human design is really like yes, there are labels and a lot of people feel turned off by that. And even to your point, like, you don't necessarily say the I am words about being a reflector, but the beautiful thing about it that I see, at least, is that it's an evolution. It's an experiment. It's this opportunity to expand and to grow, take what works, leave what doesn't, and try to see where life takes you when you start embodying and doing things differently from the way that you maybe have been conditioned or the way that you feel is the way that it should be done.
Alex Phillion: I love that and I feel as a reflector, I really resonate with all of the centers in the human design body graph because all of mine are open. It's almost like I can understand what it's like to have an open center and what it's like to have a defined center. Because I have this life experience of being around people that have a defined center. So then I can take that on and reflect it, amplify it, but then I can also have that experience of what it's like to have an open center. So I have found for me is like teaching people about the centers has been very rewarding and fulfilling for me because it's like I have this wisdom that comes with being reflector of learning the center more than any other type.
Laura Lorentz: Yeah, that is so cool. I really like that. I think I've got to use that in my teachings. But I do find like when I teach courses as well, I found a lot of value in understanding the centers. But when I teach courses, everybody's interested in the centers because it's like the least the underrated. Everyone wants to know what your energy type is. But when you start diving into the energy centers, you understand why you are the way that you are.
Alex Phillion: I always start with the centers and I don't even say what they are until after because I find that it is more like the blueprint is coming in and it's more like a map of your soul. And it gives you actual pointers on how you can learn more about yourself and how you can work with your energy better. So, I don't know, I just really love the sensors in human design and I find especially with children, like you were saying earlier, I think it is a language and I think it is so important for people to learn and have the awareness of. Human design because they can raise their kids to live a path of less resistance automatically just by understanding that we're all so different.
Laura Lorentz: Yeah, I know. Like imagine a world where our children are raised in a way that they understand themselves right from childhood because usually that's where all of our conditioning sets in and difficult situations occur or whatever that changes the trajectory of our lives. And how cool is that to be able to provide that language to our children so that they can grow up in just a very different way or a very different understanding of the world.
Alex Phillion: Yes. And open centers are so challenging. Like even if you just have one open center, like an open root center, you are feeling so much pressure, you are feeling so much stress. And just having that awareness that that is not your stress. Having an open emotional center, those are not your emotions. And being able to show your kids that or teach them that from a young age rather than them taking that on as their own and I think that was me as a child was like, I took all these emotions on as my own. And I'm like, why am I sad? And I started questioning myself, why am I angry? Why am I frustrated? I wasn't. I just was around people who maybe were where I was feeling the intensity of my environment. And I had a traumatic thing happen in my environment when I was in high school and that affected me for two years after. It was like so hard on me. And if only my parents knew that I was a reflector, I feel like that experience would have been a lot different for me.
Laura Lorentz: Yeah, that is so beautiful. Just having this language that changes so, so much. Knowing oftentimes, like, when we take on things that are other people, we make it mean something about ourselves, about our ability, about our emotions, about ourselves. And there's shame, there's guilt, there's all of these things coming up. So it becomes this like when we say you absorb and amplify the energy in your open centers like you truly are. And if you hold on to that, if you stay in the lower frequency of those spaces, that's when your energy centers start clogging up. That's where like, disease comes in, illnesses, all of those things. Like when we hold on to these energies that aren't even ours, they impact our body in a physical way. Then there is these medical effects that happen.
Alex Phillion: We manifest what we're picking up on.
Laura Lorentz: Exactly.
Alex Phillion: And so the awareness is key because without that, we don't realize that those open centers are actually areas where we can grow and learn and forgive and love. But when we're with someone or in an environment that maybe is not in alignment with who we are, we are taking that in as our own. And we're going into the victims method and we're blaming and we're questioning ourselves, and it's just so traumatic in a way. And I think I had to go through all that. I had to learn that about myself, and I had to learn human design in the time frame that I learned it in the way that I learned it in order to be where I am now, to call in, you know, my future marriage. Like, obviously, everything worked out for me the way that it was supposed to, and I'm so grateful that everything happened the way that it did. But it's hard for not just reflectors anyone that has open centers. I think that is where we grow and where we live and where we show our understanding.
Laura Lorentz: Yeah, there's a lot of emphasis on the energy centers. Like, you're defined energy centers being, like, your gifts, your strengths. And then the open centers are, like, not as important. But really, for me, how I see it is they're just like these massive sources of wisdom. And to your point, when you can tap into the energy of them, that's where the love comes in. That's where that empathy comes in. All of those beautiful high vibrational energies. Yeah.
Alex Phillion: And I think it's important, too, for people with defined centers to understand the other side, for relationships and team building and parenting and all these things. It really is a language. And I think for me, just learning that I'm a reflector was also learning about all the other types because it mattered to me. It was like learning the other types helped me learn me.
Laura Lorentz: That's so beautiful. I love this conversation. So I always ask at the end of every interview, I always ask everyone, what is your quantum vision? What is your quantum vision for yourself, for the world at large? Where do you see or what do you desire for yourself and the world?
Alex Phillion: I desire for the world and for myself to have as many moments where we can all connect to our heart in a day. I feel like we're on the right path of learning how to do that more frequently, but I think that's what happiness is, moments of connecting to your heart. And I find that with our society, we've gone so far away from that and that we're slowly coming back to that, and we're building a higher frequency because of that.
Laura Lorentz: That is so beautiful. I love it. I love it. So if anyone wants to connect with you or to learn more about you, are there ways that they can follow you on social media or reach out to you in any way?
Alex Phillion: Yes. So instagram is just Alex Fillion. I don't really use TikTok or Facebook, so that would probably be the best way.
Laura Lorentz: That's great. That's awesome. Well, thank you so much, Alex, for being on the podcast today. It was so enlightening, and I just love connecting with other people that have a passion for human design. So thank you.
Alex Phillion: Thank you for having me. It was really great.
Laura Lorentz: Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of Empire Essence. If you loved this episode, don't forget to leave a rating and review on your favorite platform. And until next time, keep shining your light.